Marriage Archives - The Workout Mama

The Story of Us

November 10, 2017 by Tamara Leave a Comment

Today is our 10 year wedding anniversary. Woohoo! Josh is my teenage dream come true! I had the biggest crush on him when I was 17 years old. I hope you enjoy my attempt to document how we started dating.

The Prequel

It can be hard sometimes to determine where the beginning of a story should start. I first noticed my future husband the summer before my senior year of high school. I was 17 years old and lifeguarding at Kiwanis Wave Pool and immediately developed a school girl crush on him.

This guy, who I would quickly learn was named Josh, was walking across the pool deck wearing a Tennessee Titans hat and a shirt that indicated he was a pool manager at another city pool. I honestly didn’t think it would EVER be a possibility that I would date Josh because I knew he had to be in college, if not graduated, but I still joked with my friends at work over the summer that I was going to marry him one day and have his babies.I was able to get scheduled twice that summer at the outdoor pool while Josh was managing. I don’t think he spoke to me directly that day.

The summer ended, high school resumed, then it was summer again. I lifeguarded and taught swim lessons over the summer before attending Arizona State University and continued working in this capacity all throughout college.

Sometime between my freshman and sophomore year at ASU I got booted off my parents family membership at Lifetime Fitness. I decided that this would be the perfect time to join the YMCA. And why the YMCA you ask? Well it was a fairly easy choice on what gym to join. The price was right, it was close to home, and I almost Josh also worked there. On one occasion my mom was using a guest pass and I can remember pointing out Josh to her as he walked down the hallway. I told her how he also worked for the City of Tempe, was from Tennessee, wanted to be a firefighter, and probably a few more random facts about a person I had never talked with.

During my junior year in college I overheard at work that Josh had been hired as a firefighter and was moving to Tennessee. So you can imagine my surprise when I found out that my position that upcoming summer would be working alongside Josh as his assistant manager at an outdoor pool. Josh had moved to Arizona from Tennessee specifically with the goal to get hired as a firefighter in this state. At this point he had been testing for a little over 6 years when he decided to go back to Tennessee to see if he could get hired.

If you are unfamiliar with the hiring process for the Fire Department it is brutal. There are usually over a thousand applicants for just a handful of positions. It is uncommon, but does happen, where positions can be offered and then revoked for various reasons. In Josh’s case he had already been fitted for his uniform when he discovered he would no longer be hired.

In life we sometimes have the opportunity to look back on challenging seasons and see how God was at work. For some of us, it is easy to see how something better was waiting in the months or years ahead, and for others of us, we may never get the answer on this side of eternity. Fast forward our story two years and Josh and I would be on our honeymoon when he would learn he had been hired to a local Fire Department.

The Story

In March of 2005 we had a staff training and because Josh and I knew we were going to be working together all summer we sat next to each other and had our first real conversation. I also found out he was 10 years older then me. We left the training walking to our cars together and I can remember telling him that we were going to be best friends by the end of the summer. I am pretty sure he didn’t believe me. This is our first ever picture together. I was thrilled. In case you are curious, I am 21 years old in this picture and Josh had just turned 32.

I really didn’t see Josh very much the majority of the summer. I saw him when he would come in to work, but then I would leave, and I also saw him for two hours each week at inservice training. You can learn a lot about a person in a work environment. I got to see how Josh treated others, his leadership skills, work ethic, his lighthearted attitude towards life, and the way he valued my ideas and opinions. It wasn’t until the end of the summer, on the night of our staff awards banquet, that we actually spent time together not getting paid. I am pretty sure he fell for me that night or if could have been a slow build up of spending short snippets of time together over the summer.

As the summer season wrapped up, we slowly began spending more time together away from work. We would meet up for a movie or to grab a bite to eat and easily spend hours talking on the phone. Over the course of the next two months Josh would try to hold my hand at the movie theater and I would pull it away. It might sound silly but once I knew there was a 10 year age difference between us I wanted to make clear, I was a girl worth pursuing and also respecting. Not that I think holding hands is in anyway disrespectful but I just needed to know, that he knew, I was worth the wait.

I knew that things might be moving from friends to potentially something more when Josh offered to go trail running with me at South Mountain. I was fairly confident that he must like me more than a friend because Josh was not a runner. We did my 5 mile loop and he jokes that his knees haven’t been the same since. Shortly after this my hand became quite comfortable tucked securely in Josh’s hand.

The majority of the time we spent together was at my parents house because I still lived at home. We would typically eat dinner with my family, which I am beyond grateful for, because Josh really got to know my parents and brother and they really got to know him. After every meal he ate with us he always volunteered to do the dishes and my mom grinned and graciously allowed him to clean her kitchen.

One night after dinner we went for a walk in the neighborhood. I need to preface this by saying that up until this point we had not let anyone at work know we were dating. We were holding hands and suddenly heard our names questioningly being called from behind. As we turned we could see Kyle Perkins, a lifeguard who worked at our pool over the summer, and Kyle if you happen to be reading please know that we still laugh about this, with what could only be described as a jaw dropping expression on his face as he rode by on his bicycle. And after that it quickly became known that Josh and I were dating.

How We Became Us

I am not really sure when our friendship turned into something more because it was this slow crescendo that built up over time. We began looking for a church to attend together and found our church home that we still attend to this day. Josh was baptized there when we were dating, we were married there, and all of our children have been dedicated there.

We quickly fell into an easy routine of spending time together and with my family, going to church, Josh writing me love letters, and talking on the phone before falling asleep at night. Josh told me that he wanted to marry me shortly after we started dating.

I didn’t have any clue that he was saving for a ring, or even how much a ring cost, or how nice of ring he wanted to give me. Finally after what felt like forever, when in reality it had been a year, he asked me to marry him. You can read more about his proposal HERE and see my ring HERE.

This post could continue to go on and on forever but because I know it is getting long I am going to wrap it up. The past 10 years have been mixed with joy and heartbreak, sickness and health, 3 babies, 2 vasectomies, and much more in between. I would be lying if I said I had this whole marriage thing figured out. I don’t. But what I do know is that marriage is a commitment and one that is not always easy. Josh has been my faithful friend for the last 12 years and the passage below sums up my feelings towards him and our relationship.

In the year 1846 Rev. Richard Baxter wrote…

It is a mercy to have a faithful friend, that loveth you entirely, and is as true to you as yourself, to whom you may open your mind and communicate your affairs, and who would be ready to strengthen you, and divide the cares of your affairs and family with you, and help you to bear your burdens, and comfort you in your sorrows, and be the daily companion of your lives, and partaker of your joys and sorrows. And it is a mercy to have so near a friend to be a helper to your soul; to join with you in prayer and other holy exercises; to watch over you and tell you of your sins and dangers, and to stir up in you the grace of God, and remember to you of the life to come, and cheerfully accompany you in the ways of holiness.

I am grateful for our marriage, for the joy and heartaches that have continually brought us back to Jesus, for God’s grace, and for the blessings of our children. This is our story and I hope you have enjoyed this ever so small snippet of our beginning.

PS…Special shout out to our boss Pat for placing us at the same pool together that summer :). It was great running into you at Costco a few weeks ago.

Filed Under: My Family, Personal Tagged With: Anniversary, Dating, Engagement Ring, Marriage

In Sickness and Health

October 19, 2017 by Tamara 1 Comment

“I, Josh, take you, Tamara, for my wife,to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.”

The older I become the more I feel the amazing blessing of being loved this way. When Josh and I said our marriage vows to each other on November 10th, 2007 I was in the midst of battling a neurological disorder. There were many unknowns about what our life would look like moving forward.

I became sick several months into our engagement. The save the dates had already been sent when we learned that the muscle weakness and paralyzation I was experiencing weren’t symptoms that would be quickly fixed or even had the potential to get better. Josh was under no obligation to stay with me. Walking was a struggle, driving a car wasn’t happening, and just being able to get out of bed in the morning was hard.

The reality is that most 23 year olds don’t get to start off a marriage the way I did. Our plans for the wedding and honeymoon changed to accommodate my illness. And never once did I feel like I was a burden to Josh. He piggybacked me around the streets of Monterey, California on our honeymoon gladly, carrying me when I couldn’t walk.

During our engagement when I became ill I never once questioned Josh’s love for me. He took time off work to come to my many doctors appointments, held me when I cried out in pain and frustration over my circumstances, and loved me in spite of what was happening.

The way Josh loved me during this time still takes my breath away. There was no guarantee that my health would improve or that we would even be able to have a family together. Although if you ask Josh he will tell you that he knew I was going to get better.

In this beautiful way Josh has sacrificially demonstrated God’s love for me over and over again. God loves me when I am sick and when I am healthy. My circumstances will change but the love God has for me never does.

Yet in the sickness it was harder for me to feel God’s presence and easier to gravitate to Josh. Josh was tangible. I could see, talk with, touch, and feel Josh’s presence even if he was in a different room. I knew he was there. But at times as I struggled with “feeling” somewhat forgotten about by God. What was supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life quickly became a dark and shadowy valley. Where was God in the midst of my pain and suffering? My illness taught me that I have to continually depend on God in sickness and in health.

The reality is God didn’t change. My feelings had.

Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words shall not pass away. Matthew 24:35

The word of the Lord abides forever. 1 Peter 1:25

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever. Isaiah 40:8

These verses tell me that everything in life may change, but God’s Word remains and His truth never changes. My feelings may be strong and the situations in my life can rapidly fluctuate but God’s Word is so much more than anything I can ever feel, experience, or face. His Word is true yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

While my marriage vows are a lasting covenant on earth with Josh until death do us part, God has promised to have and to hold me, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, from now into eternity. Even death cannot separate me from God’s love.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

We have a choice to either be controlled by our thoughts, feelings, and circumstances or we can utilize the self-control that has been given to us by the Holy Spirit to abide in God’s Word regardless of our feelings or what is happening in life. God’s Word is always truer than our feelings.

What I learned about my marriage and ultimately about God based on the phrase “in sickness and health” is that relationships require commitment. Living out our commitments can be difficult at times especially if our circumstances are challenging. We all have the choice of who or what we will cling to when times get hard.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

The majority of people say their I dos under the most ideal circumstances, not when they are battling their toughest struggle. Marriage is a day to day commitment and continues to remind me of how God loved us and Christ died for us when we were least lovable and when the situation was the least ideal. These difficult times allow us to trust God even in the challenges while building a marriage that lasts. I am grateful for this lesson that I learned early on in my marriage.

Filed Under: Faith, Personal Tagged With: Marriage

Cheers to 9 Years

November 10, 2016 by Tamara Leave a Comment

Josh was 34 years old on our wedding day and I was a few days shy of turning 24. Today I am a few days away from turning 33 and I as look back on the last 9 years of our marriage I can proudly say that our love story is my favorite, and the best part is it isn’t over yet!

I would be lying if I told you that everything has been smooth sailing since the day we said I do. Neither of us are perfect and thankfully we don’t pretend to be…wellllll sometimes I can be pretty close, just kidding, just kidding. But in all honesty it takes two people to make a marriage work and Josh and I always joke that we are stuck with each other for life because of our covenant marriage*.

With age comes more maturity and the ability to look back on life events from a different perspective. When Josh and I got married I thought I knew what love was. I knew love needed to be patient, kind, hold no record of wrong, not easily angered, not proud, not rude, not boastful, and not self seeking. I knew all these things but I didn’t know how to apply them to my marriage. It has taken years and with daily effort for me to actually attempt to be that definition of love in our marriage. And here is a spoiler alert: I still fail at this most days!

If I have learned anything it is to constantly keep praying, renewing my mind, and focusing on the positive so I can pour out unconditional love onto Josh and now also our children. Not seeing your husband for 24-48 hours at a time, multiple days out of the month, can create a real disconnect in your relationship if you are not careful.

I crushed on him hard at the age of 17 and told my friends I would marry him one day and have his babies. I promise I was not a stalker, but I am super happy that my teenage dream came true! In honor of 9 years of marriage I wanted to brag on Josh for a second and share how he has been a great example of biblical love.

I was super sick when we got married. Like paralyzed from the neck down, couldn’t feel anything sick. The older I get, the more amazed I am that he still wanted to marry me, not knowing what our life would be like several years down the road. Only knowing that I had been sick for 8 months prior to our wedding and that there was no real treatment plan to get me better. He could have easily walked away from me at this time and I know now looking back that he was 100% committed and all in. Most guys don’t go into their marriage prepared to take care of a sick wife who was at the doctors office weekly, in and out of hospitals, and needing help to do everyday tasks most people take for granted. Read more about my autoimmune disorder in The Girl Behind the Blog.

He works so hard to provide for our family and does so without complaining…except when it is time to get out of bed in the morning. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard “I wish shift change happened at 8am” muttered under his breath as the alarm goes off for the third snooze cycle. When he comes home from work to two toddlers running around chasing after him, because they are excited to see him, and a wife who can sometimes talk his ear off if she is not careful, he still makes the time to be present with us even if he didn’t get an ounce of sleep, when all he really wants to do is fall into bed and close his eyes.

Marriage is a balancing act. It is learning to put the other persons needs above your own, no matter how hard it is. And sometimes it is really, really, hard.

The disappointments I have had in marriage have come from me thinking that God owed me something because I had done things the “right” way. I thought that God was going to bless me and reward me with a happily every after. I failed to understand that I wasn’t guaranteed a happily ever after in marriage. When two sinners marry there are going to be struggles and hard times.

Hard times will happen in marriage. Hard times will happen in life. For followers of Christ the happy ending is not immediate in this life, but it is guaranteed. We know how this will end for us, and where our hope is centered.

When I reminisce over the last 9 years of our marriage I am in awe of all the God has done. God has used our marriage to teach us and sanctify us so we can love and honor each other and also love God more and more.

Josh has seen me at my worst and has still been able to find a redeeming quality in me that has sometimes been hard for me to see myself and loved me through it. He is kind, believes the best in people, and forgives much easier than I do. For these reasons and many more myself and our children are lucky to have him.

I am thankful for anniversaries because they remind us to seek the best out of of our relationships and look back on how far we have come. I seriously can’t believe that we have two kids and another one soon on the way!

Tomorrow I am sure I will go back to being more easily annoyed by the small little things that Josh does that bug me, but today I am going to reminisce on the happy memories that have made us us.

Happy Anniversary Josh!

*Arizona, Arkansas, and Louisiana are the only three states that offer a covenant marriage. A covenant marriage is a legally distinct kind of marriage in which the marrying spouses agree to obtain pre-marital counseling and accept more limited grounds for later seeking divorce. To read more about covenant marriage visit The Policy Pages.

Filed Under: Personal Tagged With: Anniversary, Covenant Marriage, Josh, Marriage